“Hey! How’s the baby? You look great. I hope you’re still writing.” Oh no…busted. When recently asked these questions, I realized that my writing has come to screeching hault. Ever since London was born, my world has been spinning in the best, but craziest way possible. My hands and brain are rarely free to put words on paper.
Lately I’ve given much thought to a simple phrase I’ve heard throughout my life, mostly when it comes to brand new challenges. “You know what to do.” I’ve heard these words spoken in the very beginning of my career, often accompanied with,”figure it out.” Everyone says this to me. The confidence is appreciated, however I feel as though it’s the theme of my life. I’ll admit that when I asked a question or felt lost, and received either of these two responses, it left me with my wheels spinning. I’d ask for advice, but would come out completely empty handed. As a result, I’d feel fairly overwhelmed.
Over two weeks have passed since the birth of baby London, and I’ve officially crossed over the the other side. Hello Mamaville! Yes, I believe it’s actually a destination. From my birth story to postpartum thoughts and all the feels, here’s the report.
On a recent warm, summer Sunday, I sat at the fountain at Lincoln Center. It was the very same spot, that we sat, facing each other last year, around midnight, after receiving the most soul crushing news of our lives. (You may remember the photo. I’ll never forget it.) An exact year has gone by, and this summer day feels much different. We are in that very same spot, but I feel the warm, rays of the sun beating down on us. I hear the fountain trickling behind us, but more importantly, I place my hand on my very round belly, to feel the kicks of our growing baby boy.
This is my middle name. I control everything in my life, and I’m an insane perfectionist. I like to be in charge of my own life, right down to the nitty gritty details. My expectations are incredibly high. It works as an advantage as well as a disadvantage for me. I trust myself, and only myself.
I’m a walking glitter-bomb. From the age of of five, I spent my days crawling around on floors of department stores, searching for sequins and beads, as my mom shopped for fancy dresses. When I found them, I saved them and considered them my treasures.
You’ve failed and you’ve got to start over. You think it’s the end of the world, right? There’s that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You think you’re the only one out there. You feel like everyone knows, and you won’t be respected. But you know what you’re actually wrong about? That very thought.
The last few days of summer and the first few days of Fall…I can already feel the change in the air. It’s that crisp feeling, that reminds me of renewal. Rosh Hashanah, (the Jewish New Year) is upon us, and it is a reminder of new beginnings. A time to reflect upon the past year, to appreciate what it was, and a chance to improve upon the coming year; looking forward towards life with fresh eyes and an open heart.
Say hello to Rosa. She’s the one that stole my heart. From the moment I opened that crisp dust bag, and saw that perfect, little white bag, I knew it was love at first sight.
Sunshine. Something I live for. It lives in the warm rays beaming down on my face. It lives in the hearts of the ones I love. And it lives on, through the spirit of a 5 year old little girl, named Scarlett, who recently received her angel wings.