Over two weeks have passed since the birth of baby London, and I’ve officially crossed over the the other side. Hello Mamaville! Yes, I believe it’s actually a destination. From my postpartum thoughts and all the feels, here’s the report.
Throughout my pregnancy and life in general, one of the mottos I live by is “expect the unexpected.” I repeat this to myself often, mostly to avoid disappointment as well as to keep me on my toes, knowing that life can throw some major curve balls from time to time. Mamaville sure has some unexpected moments, as well as some sweet ones too, so buckle up!
I had absolutely no idea, that I could love anything or anyone as much as my baby boy. He is a part of me, and feels like we are bonded and connected in the closest way possible. I adore him more than anything in the world.
Is there anything better? He could cuddle up on my chest for days at a time, and if it wasn’t for the bathroom breaks, I’d be perfectly happy never moving. It is my favorite place to be.
I cannot stop staring at this little face. I watch him as he sleeps, as he moves, as he feeds. To me, there’s nothing more perfect in the world.
We are finally a family of three! Sunday morning snuggles are real, as Grant and I cuddle him to pieces. I cannot believe these moments. There is nothing better on earth to me, than a quiet morning with my boys.
I cannot wait for everything that life has to come with our family. I cannot wait to do the simplest things, but also jet set with him on vacation, and show him the world, as well as his very own backyard (and by backyard, I mean Central Park. I think he likes it, so far). I’m excited to teach him everything from his abc’s to 123’s as well as how to be the best little person he can be.
This one is two fold, as I’ve mentioned the challenges as well, below. I respect my body for everything it’s been through; for staying strong through this seemingly endless journey, for growing this little life, and for nourishing the both of us, even on the toughest of days. The bigger and rounder my belly got, my legs and my back still supported me, carrying me the distance, regardless of the pain or discomfort. For that, I am grateful.
Becoming a Mother
No one can prepare you for this. It’s a journey each mother must walk alone (although mama friends are always helpful!) I believe the experience is different for everyone, although I know that many mothers have the same hopes, thoughts, wishes, as well as challenges. I wish that I knew what do at every moment, but I just don’t right now. Eventually it will come, I suppose. I hope to be the best mama possible to our little boy. I know I may not always have all the answers and I will be far from perfect, but I hope to learn as much as I can along the way, and bring as much love into our lives as possible.
The operation itself was quick! After being in labor for 3 days, I couldn’t believe how fast they pulled that munchkin out. The procedure itself wasn’t painful. The challenge for me, was the recovery. I should have taken pain killers, but I hate the way they make me feel (drowsy, groggy, loopy) so I avoided them, and stuck with Tylenol and Motrin. Big mistake. I wouldn’t do it again. The pain wasn’t extreme, but moving was definitely a challenge and not at all comfortable. I did get up and walk the next day. It was hard for me to stand up straight, or move well because of the incision. Once we returned home, I had a harder time getting in and out of bed, as I couldn’t use my abdominal muscles. I relied on my arms and legs to take over, as I moved throughout the day, and carried London to where he needed to be. This part was my greatest challenge. I came home overwhelmed for sure. Days 2, 3, and 4 for me were the hardest, but I continued to walk, and slowly improved. Twenty days later, I can say that my body feels much better and my mobility is back to normal.
Where do I even start? I was lucky in that London latches easily, but I’ve had my fair share of struggles as well. The sleepless nights get me. After feeding multiple times a night, I truly feel like a walking zombie. There isn’t enough concealer in the world to help with that, but I’ll get over it. The breast & nip pain is real too. After a few weeks, they’ve definitely improved. Breastfeeding does help me to feel close and bond with my baby, however he has become so used to it that bottle feeding has become a challenge. We’re working on this, and it’s slowly improving.
The baby’s tears, not mine! Yeah, a hormonal surge takes over once you waddle home from the hospital. However…I was told by our pediatrician that babies have multiple cries. After some time, I should be able to understand what each one means. I’ll be honest, I’m struggling here. I want to be able to wipe away his tears, and know how to fix and sooth him in each moment. I’ve realized that I cannot always do this in the moment that I want to. It takes time and patience on our parts to figure out what’s wrong, understand his needs, and figure out how to fix the situation. I know I will learn as time goes on, however I wish there was an immediate solution.
Ok, here’s Part 2. You expect your body to quickly bounce back after the babes, but the truth is, I felt even more pregnant walking out of the hospital than I did walking in. I wanted to feel like myself again, but my belly still felt 8 months preggers and my body was swollen from the fluid during labor. As 20 days have gone by, my body finally feels deflated, but nowhere near my true self, physically. I know, from my experience last summer that the physical transition takes time, patience, and work. I’m willing to put it in. I know that life isn’t about an outer shell right now, but I always took pride in my physical strength. I look forward to feeling like the best version of me again. In the meantime, I honor and respect my body for nourishing this brand new little life.
What Makes Me Feel Normal
Having a little one can be isolating…downright lonely, actually. It isn’t as easy to get around, and we avoid crowded places and too many people, to steer clear of chaos and obviously germs, since London hasn’t yet had his shots. In the meantime, here are the things I’ve been doing to help feel like my normal self, although my life and responsibilities are incredibly different these days.
He has been by our side each step of the way, running errands, cleaning the apartment, and taking care of London and I, while I’ve healed. He cooks us dinners and chips in with all of the responsibilities of being a super dad, such as diaper changes, swaddling, daily chats with London, and even sings him songs. I love watching him as a father. It is the greatest gift of all.
I’m used to my days being chaotic, running from one place to another, and working all day. I love being busy, but this new adventure requires me to be home the majority of my day. Going for small walks with London daily helps me to get a bit of exercise (since I still have 4 weeks to wait, until the real deal), and it feels great to be outside.
When I get ready for my day (hair & makeup) I feel ready for whatever life throws at me. I’ve always been this way. It puts me in a better mood and makes me feel human.
Scrub a Dub
By the end of the day, I feel slimy, covered in cuddles, drool, breast milk, and anything else that came my way that day. I’ve never loved jumping in the shower as much as I do right now, although my showers can be few and far between #mamalife!
Grant and I have been trying to give each other some free time daily, so we each have a bit of our own “me time”. It helps to feel a bit of independence in the day
I love our morning cuddles with London. As mentioned above, it truly makes us feel like a family.
I’m a person that loves working, be it my 9 to 5, writing Sleepless in Sequins related posts, or designing jewelry, I love the feeling of working towards a goal. While it may be difficult this summer, I’m doing my best to write, or work on projects in my off time.
Embracing the Moments
Time is flying by already. I know it. While I feel sleep deprived, and some days completely full of slobber, I’m worried that I’m missing the moments. I wish that time could stand still, and I could cradle my little one forever. While I know that isn’t realistic, I’m doing my best to cherish these moments.
During the journey through motherhood, I hope to be the best version of myself. I know I may change. I hope to be kind to myself and I hope to be the most loving mama possible, to London. I also strive to eventually be able to incorporate my daily life and my own goals, while raising a child. Nothing is perfect, and life adjustments take time, but this new adventure and little baby is one I’ve been waiting for. So sleep deprived or not, I’m ready, and I welcome it with open eyes and an open heart.