Lifestyle, Motherhood

If Time Stood Still

September 29, 2019

“Hey! How’s the baby? You look great. I hope you’re still writing.” Oh no…busted. When recently asked these questions, I realized that my writing has come to screeching hault. Ever since London was born, my world has been spinning in the best, but craziest way possible. My hands and brain are rarely free to put words on paper.

However, today I will pause (or multi task since I’m feeding and writing simultaneously). Today I stop to reflect. In celebration of the Jewish New Year, which begins today, we stop and reflect upon the year that passed, as well as look forward to the future of the coming year.

I’m guilty of rushing through my days and sprinting through my life. I like to know what’s coming next and predict or control it all. Last year, at this time, I remember wishing and dreaming of the life that I have right now. I wanted a baby in my arms. I wanted my days to move slowly, and life to be a whole lot sweeter than the previous year we struggled though.

I remember standing in synagogue last Rosh Hashanah, with tears streaming down my face. I could barely breathe. I went alone, and I went alone on purpose. I needed time to myself. Time to think. Time to wish and time to dream. I did a whole lot of that in the past year.

Today, I look down at this sleeping baby face, on the eve of this Rosh Hashanah, and I breathe in a very full, deep, and grateful breath. If only time could stand still right now. I know that it can’t, but in the coming year, that’s my challenge to myself. I want to slow my days. I want to appreciate the moments that I have in my life, with my family, instead of rushing through to the next best thing.

Rosh Hashanah is about celebration of the New Year, but also a time of self reflection. Whether you celebrate or not, can you take a good, hard look in the mirror to find a piece of yourself that you’d like to improve? Maybe you can’t see it. Maybe it isn’t surface deep. It may require some digging on your part, just as it does mine. Stopping and staring at your own reflection, isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s messy, and you’ve got to pick up the pieces. I’ve been there too. The best part is, you can always start over. Each year is different. Each has new meaning.

This coming year, my eyes (though sleepy) and heart are full of hope. In this very moment, life seems so much sweeter. I just want to hold, pause, and stay in this place forever. While that’s not a possibility, and time ticks forward, I know that this moment will pass. For this day, I am grateful, and for all the days that come, I am ready.

In the coming year, I wish for you the sweetness of health, happiness, love, and light to your days. Shanah Tovah Umetukah. To a sweet and very good New Year, my friends. xx

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